Again, lets see how much I've changed in 3 years.

Layer One: STATS

Name: Adeline 
Birth date: Sunday, April 16
Birthplace: Tampa
Current location: In my bed with laptop on my tummy 
Eye color: Dark Brown
Hair color: The color of a rusty steal rod...that was painted black. 
Height: 5'0" and 1/6 maybe rounded up to 5'1''?
Righty or Lefty: Right handed
Innie or Outtie: Innie
Current mood: I feel very self conscious right now b/c I think I'm PMSing
Current hair: down and flowy
Current annoyance: I have a zit on my chin. And the OAT.

Layer Two: DESCRIBE

Your heritage: Chinese including Manchu, Cantonese, Hokkien varieties
The shoes you wore today: My pointy Aladdin shoes.
Your weakness: Anything cute and fluffy like puppies. And ice cream. 
Your fears: Failure, letting people down, wasting money, wasps
Your perfect pizza: Aregano somethings. Broccoli Cheddar pizza at Chapel Hill Pizza and Pasta is a classic as well.  
Goal you'd like to achieve: Become an optometrist, get married have kids live happily ever after. And maybe write a book and illustrate it.

Layer Three: TELL

Your most overused phrase on AIM/AOL/ICQ: probably "tehehe" or "hahaha" b/c for some reason I'm always laughing.
Your thoughts first waking up: Pee pee time. And I hate this ring tone why did I download again?
Your best physical feature: I have cute hands and feet. And I like how my smile is exactly like my dad's
Your bedtime: Around 11-12. 
Your greatest accomplishment: Getting through 3 years of Chapel Hill and not going insane. 
Your most missed memory: My grandmother. Speaking Chinese with her and being in touch with my heritage.


Layer Four: YOU PREFER

Pepsi or Coke: Carbonation really freaks me out. I hate soda.
McDonald's or Burger King: I would never eat this crap. I'm not a snob, it's just really unhealthy and I would get heartburn.
Single or Group Dates: It depends on the occasion. 
Adidas or Nike: Asics are the best.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: No idea. I'm failing this section
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate definitely but if we're talking about ice cream...maybe vanilla (with caramel in the middle?)
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccinos all the way with that whipped cream and chocolaty drizzle.

Layer Five: DO YOU

Smoke: I think that's pretty gross.
Cuss: I surprise myself when I curse, but it happens occasionally. More frequently in my organic chem lab. 
Sing well: I am decent. 
Take a shower everyday: Yes. 
Have a crush(es): They are rare and usually the effect of my boredom. I don't really do celebrity crushes either. I think they're a waste of time. 
Do you think you've been in love: Maybe.
Want to go to college: I am in college.
Like(d) high school: It was an awkward time. But I guess I liked it alright. 
Want to get married: Yes I do. But the thought also scares me a little. 
Believe in yourself: I have my days. But for the most part I don't accept failure. I have high standards. So yes. 
Think you're attractive: I dunno...it's all subjective. 
Think you're a health freak: I am relatively healthy but I don't think it has reached a freak stage yet. Maybe it should. 
Get along with your parents: I love them! I really have a good relationship with them.
Like thunderstorms: If I am inside and it doesn't cut off my internet. haha.
Play an instrument: I play the piano rather badly.

Layer Six: PAST MONTH HAVE YOU

Drank alcohol: Yes b/c I just turned 21. Otherwise I am not too fond of drinking.
Smoked: NO! and I never will.
Done a drug: Same as smoking.
Made out: I have a boyfriend.
Gone on a date: Yes kind of.
Gone to the mall: Yes. Victoria Secret Semi Annual SALE!!!
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I don't even think I've eaten an oreo this month.
Eaten sushi: Nope. I might buy some tomorrow! Hmmmm.
Been on stage: No
Been dumped: No
Gone skating: Nope
Made homemade COOKIEs: No, I am not much into baking.
Gone skinny-dipping: Nope
Dyed your hair: Nope.
Stolen anything: I accidentally "stole" some chemistry equipment. That's totally dorky though.

Layer Seven: HAVE YOU EVER

Played a game that required the removal of clothing: If I did I probably ran off before it got very far.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Pahah.
Been caught "doing something": hm
Been called a tease: Yes. But I didn't realize I was doing it...
Gotten beaten up: I almost did once b/c this girl b trippin'.
Shoplifted: Definitely not. I would feel intense guilt.
Changed who you were to fit in: Somewhat, but I think my personality and interests are pretty consistent. My interests might expand to fit theirs though.

Layer Eight: OPPOSITE SEX

Best eye color: Dark brown b/c my boyfriend's is dark brown. 
Best hair color: Dark brown/black
Short or long hair: Medium length and kind of tousled looking. 
Best height: No taller than 6'1"  b/c I would feel uncomfortably short around them. Around 5'7"-5'10" is good. 
Best weight: More than 140ish but less than 190ish. If muscley, this can be a bit different. Bottom line is I don't want them to be skinnier than me. 
Best articles of clothing: A nice sexy shirt is always a bonus. Dark wash jeans are also very sexy. 
Best first date location: Going to a really pretty lake or mountain and hiking around. 
Best first kiss location: In a gazebo just like Hilary Duff in Cinderella story. 

Layer Nine: NUMBER OF

Guys I have kissed in my life: 6...heh.
Guys I have made out with: 4 I'm pretty tame...
Boyfriends I've had: Hahahaha. like 2 and 1/2
Drugs taken illegally: None. I don't do illegal stuffs.
People I could trust with my life: 3 people.
Piercings: 2, one on each ear.
Tattoos: None I'm too pain intolerant.
Times my name has appeared in the newspaper: I think one time b/c I got some academic honor. 
Scars on my body: I have one from my dog. I surprised him and picked him up one time. And I have scars on my face from acne but they might go away in a few months? PLEASE?!?!?!?
Things in my past that I regret: 2 things. 

Layer Ten: THE FUTURE

Age you hope to be married: 26/27 ish.
Numbers and names of children: Boy and girl. I don't have names picked out or anything but if someone held a gun up to my head and forced me to name my children I'd say: for the girl Juliana and for the boy Adrian? Idk!!!!:!!?!?!?!
Describe your dream wedding: Medium sized? I've always wanted to have an outdoor wedding someplace scenic like a vineyard or orchard but maybe that's impractical. I also want a lot of white lights. 
How do you want to die: I'd rather not. But, if I must then I'd want to be saving someone I love, or for a good cause. 
Where do you want to go to college: I go to Chapel Hill. Now. It would have been cool if I went to Harvard though. lol. 
What country would you most like to visit: I want to go to France and Italy!!! 

F*ing bored out of my mind -__-

So, I've realized that I've become very testy when around large crowds of people. Today when I was shopping and people were pushin' all up in my space I wanted to punch them in the face. Sounds so emo, but I just had this huge surge of annoyance b/c i was carrying heavy bags, I forgot my $10 off coupon, and this woman who I don't even know was practically pressing her boobies on me...Ugh. So yeah.

But, strangely enough, on the flip side I've actually been really really lonely and craving people's company ever since I got back from running errands and shopping. It's weird because I used to have lots of alone time when I was in high school and I'd be totally fine with it. I am naturally a very independent person and I spend lots of time reading, writing and making art (drawing, painting, photography...etc.) So being alone was a great time for me to cultivate my interests and really educate myself on these things. I guess I'm just a born nerd. But, I think ever since I started dating my boyfriend (like...9+ months ago) I feel really insecure when I'm alone now. I hate admitting this b/c I am so prideful and have no problems going places by myself (shopping, bathroom...whatever...). I guess when you spend 24/7 with someone special who makes you feel so happy its like withdrawal when you aren't around them. I don't want this to get mushy, b/c that's not the message I'm trying to convey here. It's just that I'm surprised what relationship world has done to me. I don't wish to be a less independent person, but I honestly cannot remember how it was to be alone without my boyfriend or at least some other friend (they're all back in college town cuz I moved home for the summer). Maybe I should have just stayed there. But, as hard as this is to admit, I came home to be with him. Pleh. I honestly think I love him. But I wish I wasn't acting so pathetic. Am I acting pathetic? I will never know. At least I'm pretty good at hiding these thoughts. (Although I am writing an entry about it. puahaha.)

I wish he would come back sooner. I get anxious b/c I want to know what he's doing every second every minute...etc. But I have to convince myself that these thoughts are irrational and reminiscent of stalker-behaviors. So I'm totally fine. I refuse to call. I will do really productive things with my time. Like paint, study for my OAT, do some online shopping, and watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. Which by the way is a really addictive show! And I know this statement will just cement my stalkerish tendencies but I just have to share: Kourtney Kardashian is only 5'0 tall! I was looking her up b/c I wanted to know who was the oldest...yeah. But it said her height and everything on wiki. And I'm so thrilled b/c that is my exact height! I am always overjoyed when I discover that a celebrity (who is attractive) is my height b/c it makes me feel so affirmed in being 5 feet tall. I am happy to be my height, don't get me wrong. But to know someone else who is a celebrity is my height is great! B/c then I feel like if they can navigate around Hollywood being that size well, then I'll be fine too! Plus shortie power! 

Okay, that's enough. So basically I'm just bored out of my mind and have nothing better to do than write a stupid post on this ancient xanga. 

k bye! 

Wow, I haven't seen this xanga thing in about a year. Reading my old entries filles me with a sense of how different I really am- I am older. I am not that same girl  from 4 years ago that first started writing in this xanga. I am not even the same girl from a year ago. Of course it is to be expected that you will not stay the same after experiencing new things and meeting new obstacles that come with living life. But what a sad and surprising discovery. After reading my joyful xanga entries about how much I loved life and the summer rain I can't imagine that kind happiness or simplicity. I'm not that same carefree girl. It's true, I am still young and very untested in the ways of the real world, but something about me is very different now. It's as if something died in me after freshman year of college.

I ran into a friend last week that I had drama class with last year and after we had talked for a few moment he said, "Wow...you're really not that same as last year. Last year you almost scared me with how happy you were...you could barely contain your laughter..." I guess going to a competitive college like UNC has really beaten the joy out of me?

It's not as if I can't laugh anymore or smile easily. I am still the same in that regard. Maybe I have finally matured? I don't burst out in laughter at every moment, but I'm more controlled. I am not sure if I like this change in me or not. Sure it's more exceptable in polite society-but it's certainly not as fun....

I really don't know what the point of this entry is. I guess to just simply point out the fact that I'm getting older and serious- a little bit less of the uncontrolled laughter. I never realized just how different I was until I read my blogs from early high school. And because of this change I feel a great deal of regret about how I lived my high school life. I wish I had been a bit more insane...my happiness was always curbed by my anxiety about the future. My incessant worries were about grades-I never realized how foolish it would seem to me now. I can't believe that I made it my life in my teen years. I didn't even bother to take in everything else around me. My relationships with people really suffered back then. And I've just realized that this has carried over into my college life. I still am so focused on academia and success that I've ignored a lot of important things...

I kinda want a re-do.

bleh...I don't know.

-Adeline

P.S. There was a tiny rainshower outside my window just now. Reminds me of the summer after sophomore year in high school almost four years ago.  And I still find rain very beautiful.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYNE!!!

and a happy new year.